Silk Sky (3-1) vs INK (4-0) VOTE

[Konquerer]

2010 INKED PERCEPTION TOPICAL LEAGUE
20-40 lines, please don't go over,
check in as soon as possible.
you and your opponent AGREE on a line amount.
Matches set on Wednesday, Verses due Sunday.
Matches closed Tuesday 11:59 pm.
Topics are here --> WEEK 5 TOPICS
Voting is mandatory.
Good luck.

Voters, vote on-
Imagery-
Vocabulary-
Creative Language-
Flow-
Creativity-
Emotion-
Enjoyment-

[Silk Sky]

checks
xox cham cham

[Chameleon]

check, g'luck silky:-)

Line count? I'm cool with whatever you pick

[Chameleon]

Living to Die / 14 bars (a personal interpretation)

My consciousness is ominous, tropological obelisks of obvious rationale cease to exemplify,
I’ll gratefully testify - the restful nights and arrested plights are pre-emptively shielded by..

My wish to die

What is a wishes parenthesis ‘side Lunar musings of a puerile disposition? - I’m dubious in my mission
Nucleus emissions spark synapses behaviours in a lackadaisical admittance, and a ruthless intermission… whispers..

'listen'

Where once a mothers stomach swelled, now a consanguinity dwells
And in that spore - the affable force of unlimited thought - the soliloquy: HELL

Swillin’ my hiccups with ivory zephyr-whiffs, pillaging snippets of Zionist rhetoric
Quiet, intimate - disenchantment - it rips… dismantles… fixes the shackles as irony settles-in

Cherish this (my most cardinal moment) *flashback*

A mentalist, a dead guy flecked by headlights in a rest-by, guess why? (I’ll never tell why) The respite -
There was none. I was on my own… and that’s when I knew… I shall, by the pen die

The next few years…

Whores and antics, corybantic, soaring frantic! The applause was magic --- and I won’t say I didn’t love my life
Lol, ‘love my life’, Struck with strife I was coved-by my underlying rush for fights, I wouldn’t lie:

..I fuckin' loved that shite…

But sundered with a hundred wonders -- about life, girls, plight, work … I was so addlepated
And while acumen is a tactic wrenched-from every bevy of the heavy stench of experi-ment, I remained (no shame) happily wasted

And then came the anger…

OY FAGGOTS!! you want me to change? MAKE ME. C'mon cunts, I’LL RAPE YA LADY N BREAK THE BABY
yeah, ***** IZ CRAZY, and allll those motherfuckers who SAY THEY HATE ME? Fuck ‘em, THEY AINT EVER GOT THE GUTS TO FACE ME

But Strangely…

It was ME who was playing myself, ailing in health with salient welts on my cranium’s wealth
A failure in, and of itself, so what could I do? locked-up with brew, pills, name it man.. I tell:

I was on it…

To cry a sonnet….? Not my style. To shy away in capricious states…? Not my style.
To live to die another day? I’m ambivalent. It’s the Eire equivalent of Sires in parliament - a squat beguiled

What to wile, what to wile, what to wile away?

Well, I do believe my words live on, heard beyond the worldly throngs who hurl their songs -- and time is humane (you know?)
No, perhaps you don’t, but this map’ll show (if ya can catch a flow) that neither life nor death can stifle breath: who says

That we ever die?

Every time I’ve wept and cried, I’ve had my pen right by my side, I’ve captured glens on windswept heights… I’ve amplified the amber lights on Seaside rides… I’ve… cautiously, in Autumn breeze, caught the leaves that fall from trees, and…

Ya know what? Even if the world never understands me…

I’ve lived in a place I’d be grateful to grace with my very last breath. Thank you.

HOF...? Who got a Coin?

[Silk Sky]

topic- Yes or No


Getting Dark

the trees transformed to grimacing ghouls and happily waved disapproval
as the bats flapped in semi-silent celebration of the sun ray's removal
it was approaching the point where obscured clarity rules visionaries
as if an invisible hand drew the differences between freedom and limitary
and the moon perhaps formally approved of sinister acts normally ridiculed
at least He must have warmly ensued the excuse that orderly fueled
...

out late without a date, he walked around lonely, yah a bit irate
he'd been to the bars, peeped in the cars, and danced with fate
finally a slender babe strutted a few feet away, and there he hid
and without a second thought, the night covered where fingers slid
around her well formed throat, cutting her off before she spoke
He planned to leave her scared and bleeding...when she woke
With a quick twist of his wrist he flipped her over his shoulder
oh what a pleasure to walk with that weight, he loved to hold her
....
If he only knew who he was dealing with...
....
I woke up to a door slamming, and saw him twitching and standing
he walked over to me, surprised to see my eyes lifting and demanding
...
"Alright, you've got me tied, are you really gonna do this?"
I looked at this poor excuse for a kid, and with women? ...clueless

And though my heartbeat pounded down the seconds of my good will
I remained expressionless, as he shifted his weight then stood still

I guess its easy to feel pleasure when the truth doesn't stare
and perhaps if my eyes were as black as night he wouldn't care
I think he was on that edge of innocent dread and violent breath
I could tell by his red expression he was eyin my violet dress
And finally after staring for miles of minutes I had to know..
"Your'e getting dark, but theres still hope...so...what will it be...

yes or no?"

[Konquerer]

Cham:
My consciousness is ominous, tropological obelisks of obvious rationale cease to exemplify,
I’ll gratefully testify - the restful nights and arrested plights are pre-emptively shielded by..

My wish to die
nice starter couldnt catch the flow here. the vocab is nice..but was it really neccessary? it took emotion away from the starter, and that's a no no.

What is a wishes parenthesis ‘side Lunar musings of a puerile disposition? - I’m dubious in my mission
Nucleus emissions spark synapses behaviours in a lackadaisical admittance, and a ruthless intermission… whispers..

'listen'
I like all the multis..but I hate that I feel like your main focus was from a technical aspect, you tried too hard to match words together that I'm just not getting the interpretation you're aiming for. so again, I'm wondering why it was neccessary. But it was still a nice set of lines. I liked the lunar musings, that gave some nice imagery

Where once a mothers stomach swelled, now a consanguinity dwells
And in that spore - the affable force of unlimited thought - the soliloquy: HELL
Swillin’ my hiccups with ivory zephyr-whiffs, pillaging snippets of Zionist rhetoric
Quiet, intimate - disenchantment - it rips… dismantles… fixes the shackles as irony settles-in
man ink, I feel this could be DOPE as fuck if you hadn't of used such extensive vocabulary. because not everyone is going to know what you mean. some people don't understand how to use context clues, and I don't want people to turn the other cheek when they see "consanguinity" like shit, dope fucking usage of the word, I understand it. But others won't unless they have a dictionary with them. Other than that, it's a dope few lines. Imagery was amazing. expecially the "Swillin my hiccups..."

Cherish this (my most cardinal moment) *flashback*

A mentalist, a dead guy flecked by headlights in a rest-by, guess why? (I’ll never tell why) The respite -
There was none. I was on my own… and that’s when I knew… I shall, by the pen die
I like the flashback concept, it creates some nice imagery on it's own. I love this by the way, "I shall, by the pen die" That's dope..so many meanings and it's a deep feeling.

The next few years…

Whores and antics, corybantic, soaring frantic! The applause was magic --- and I won’t say I didn’t love my life
Lol, ‘love my life’, Struck with strife I was coved-by my underlying rush for fights, I wouldn’t lie:

..I fuckin' loved that shite…

But sundered with a hundred wonders -- about life, girls, plight, work … I was so addlepated
And while acumen is a tactic wrenched-from every bevy of the heavy stench of experi-ment, I remained (no shame) happily wasted
I grouped all this together cause I feel it would have felt weird being separated. On a technical note, the rhyme scheme is better here, and I feel like you chilled out w/ the multis so it made for a much smoother part. lol @ addlepated, never ever seen someone use that correctly. This didn't have a lot of imagery but I still liked it.

And then came the anger…

OY FAGGOTS!! you want me to change? MAKE ME. C'mon cunts, I’LL RAPE YA LADY N BREAK THE BABY
yeah, ***** IZ CRAZY, and allll those motherfuckers who SAY THEY HATE ME? Fuck ‘em, THEY AINT EVER GOT THE GUTS TO FACE ME
I liked this..it was an insight of your anger, I like how you defend your passion and don't let the shit get to you. It's dope..

But Strangely…

It was ME who was playing myself, ailing in health with salient welts on my cranium’s wealth
A failure in, and of itself, so what could I do? locked-up with brew, pills, name it man.. I tell:

I was on it…

To cry a sonnet….? Not my style. To shy away in capricious states…? Not my style.
To live to die another day? I’m ambivalent. It’s the Eire equivalent of Sires in parliament - a squat beguiled
again, had to put this together cause without these bars read together it would have felt weird. But anyway. Pretty weird/ cool flow. Didn't really care for the multies though, just my opinion. I'm not a big fan of them to begin with, so when I see them in topicals I just assume it's someone trying too hard, but I have a feeling with you it just comes naturally so props to that.

What to wile, what to wile, what to wile away?

Well, I do believe my words live on, heard beyond the worldly throngs who hurl their songs -- and time is humane (you know?)
No, perhaps you don’t, but this map’ll show (if ya can catch a flow) that neither life nor death can stifle breath: who says

That we ever die?

Every time I’ve wept and cried, I’ve had my pen right by my side, I’ve captured glens on windswept heights… I’ve amplified the amber lights on Seaside rides… I’ve… cautiously, in Autumn breeze, caught the leaves that fall from trees, and…

Ya know what? Even if the world never understands me…
I’ve lived in a place I’d be grateful to grace with my very last breath. Thank you.
I'm kind of getting lazy so I'll sum it up here. Overall, the imagery was REALLY nice, along with the emotion here and there. Mostly because it was such a personal story and I could relate to it. now, the vocab was nice, but honestly I don't think you needed it. The story would have felt much more personal and could have conveyed a much more thoughtful story. But, it is what it is. Doesnt take away too much from the story. I liked it overall. I really enjoyed the metas, yet it was laced with simplicity. (story line wise) I think you really nailed your topic, and that's another key part. So, overall I enjoyed it. Nice write, and thanks for the read. Oy, but hof worthy? Don't think so mate, most people aren't even going to be able to comprehend the story enough to believe that it is HoF.

VS

Silk:
Getting Dark

the trees transformed to grimacing ghouls and happily waved disapproval
as the bats flapped in semi-silent celebration of the sun ray's removal
it was approaching the point where obscured clarity rules visionaries
as if an invisible hand drew the differences between freedom and limitary
and the moon perhaps formally approved of sinister acts normally ridiculed
at least He must have warmly ensued the excuse that orderly fueled
Liked this for a starter 2nd bar was dope, along with the imagery. it set the tone in a serious manner, yet I can tell it's going to be a creative pieced, with twists, and I like the foreshadowing, "atleast he must have" alludes to what is going to happen in the future.
...

out late without a date, he walked around lonely, yah a bit irate
he'd been to the bars, peeped in the cars, and danced with fate
i get the sense he did something he shouldnt have, or maybe that he's a menace to society, a loner. and drunk cause of the 'peeping in cars' part. cool imagery
finally a slender babe strutted a few feet away, and there he hid
and without a second thought, the night covered where fingers slid
lol @ babe. diggin the "night covered where fingers slid" was a dope part to add.
around her well formed throat, cutting her off before she spoke
He planned to leave her scared and bleeding...when she woke
nice imagery, like the audio feel and flow you have.
With a quick twist of his wrist he flipped her over his shoulder
oh what a pleasure to walk with that weight, he loved to hold her
again nice flow, simple though, and nice imagery.
....
If he only knew who he was dealing with...
....
I woke up to a door slamming, and saw him twitching and standing
he walked over to me, surprised to see my eyes lifting and demanding
...
"Alright, you've got me tied, are you really gonna do this?"
I looked at this poor excuse for a kid, and with women? ...clueless
nice little twist here, i like the 1st person angle you took, makes it feel more realistic and hard hitting

And though my heartbeat pounded down the seconds of my good will
I remained expressionless, as he shifted his weight then stood still
i like how you separated these two lines, it means something big is about to happen and i like the distinction of that.

I guess its easy to feel pleasure when the truth doesn't stare
and perhaps if my eyes were as black as night he wouldn't care
I think he was on that edge of innocent dread and violent breath
I could tell by his red expression he was eyin my violet dress
And finally after staring for miles of minutes I had to know..
"Your'e getting dark, but theres still hope...so...what will it be...

yes or no?"
pretty good for a closer, had some nice details even though i feel like im missing something but overall..i liked it. it was a pretty realistic piece, and that holds a lot of weight in my opinion. had some nice vocab here and there, nothing that really stood out. im digging for metas, the imagery was good and i liked the twist in the story line.


Imagery- silk, mainly because it didnt get lost within the vocab.
Vocabulary- ink by default
Creative Language- ink, mostly because i found his metas easier to find. and honestly im still struggling w/ finding metaphors..there were a few similies here and there but i feel like a metaphor outweighs a similie..feel free to PM me if theres something u can tell me here..
Flow- silk, easily
Creativity- ink, idk something about dying for a passion just gets to me
Emotion- ink
Enjoyment- tie

overall, this was a close as fuck battle. really ink took this because of the literary devices and elements he used. he knows how to write..and took advantage of that..but man chill w/ the vocab.

v/ ink